I'd strive to be an overachiever if I wasn't such a underdog.

How do you know that someone treats YOU differently from everyone else, when you can only be you when you're around them? The One never knows they're The One, and you can't show them they're The One because you'll scare them off and they'll think you're crazy. Crazy just happens to be my forte this year, I've taken a page in the books of ALL the craziest of my lovers, and even movie characters. I'm just gonna say it from my chest. Don't be surprised if I get tattoo's with names this year, just to give a big FUCK YOU to all the scaredy cats out there that think tattoo's are a jinx. There's no better legacy than owning the shit that's printed onto your flesh like a logo, and WINNING anyway (Winner Takes All).

This blog was supposed to be about the things I realize make me feel special. They're very strange, but when executed correctly - they're just the kind of shit Thobe wants on the menu.

1. DESIRED > REQUIRED (desired is greater than required)

If you don't need me... In other words, you can cook. You have better sexual options. You have a social life. You have someone that supplies everything I can give to you Blah Blah Blah... but yet you select my company often - is telling me something.

It tells me that you Want me. You Choose Me. That makes me feel really special. It makes me feel like I have a certain Je Ne Sais Quoi that no matter WHO is doing WHAT to you, you'd still prefer it if I was the one doing it.

2. LOVE > TRUST (love is greater than trust)

I care not to be trusted.

I want you to feel like every time I'm not with you, I could be with someone else. I want you to want me despite not trusting me even one bit. It's a purer kind of desire to me. It's translating that you don't love me because I am kind to you. It's something more intangible, and inexplicable, and deeper than that. You know you feel deeply for something when it's a threat to your well being but you want it anyway.

I want to be like your pet Tigress. Who sleeps next to your pet Lamb (your heart). And when you go to sleep, you'll never know if today's the day you'll wake up to see a bloody heap in my face and a bone in my teeth. And if that's not the case, you'll never know if today's the day I decide to eat you alive.

I'm not saying I want my lover to live in fear - I just want you to love me in spite of not trusting me. This may sound strange, but if you don't get it, I can't explain it. Loving someone in spite of their wost quality is extremely deep to me. And I like feeling and loving and feeling profound while fucking so shit... When you expect worse from me - and you're wearing socks... prepare to have them blowed off. Pun intended.

Don't get me twisted, I like being happy. But I like knowing who I'm rolling with. Is this a light weight? Or can I go through some shit, can I show you the entirety of me - not just my good angles - and still have you?

I consider people who cannot embrace my bad side weak. The minute I smell weakness I become like a shark smelling blood, I just finish you off. I do this because I'm barely ever bad. I like releasing my aggression all at once.

This TRUST I mention is not only about extra-curricular lovers, I'm talking about not trusting me to love you the way you want to be loved. If I can hurt you to an unmanageable point, and you still come back to me - it makes me feel very speshal.