Friday, August 7, 2009

When A Good Guy goes Bad. Real Baaaaad.

Recently, I had a conversation with a good guy friend of mine whom I've always considered to be a 'good guy', or a 'stand up guy'. Every relationship he's in that he's told me about he sells this 'good guy' image to me, and from what I remember from way back when - he can back it up. So what is this about? He's often found himself in a relationship that he's not willing to elevate. The girl he's currently seeing is supposedly caught up with him , and planning for the future. Whilst he can't confess he can't even see beyond three days, he goes along selling her pipe dreams. He doesn't see them together at all. In fact, he's planning to completely remove himself from the situation in the near future except... he doesn't want to break her heart after she's confessed to him that she wants to 'throw it in the bag' . He doesn't want to admit to her that he's just not that into her. He's in it for the ride, and she's in it for life. Now he's found himself doing things he doesn't usually do... like cheat. I feel somewhat sorry for him, sometimes normal un-assholic guys just want a laid back relationship, but what happens when you're not an asshole to a woman? She probably wants to marry you. Next thing you know, its ten years later and you have a ring and kids but no love. Like many stand-up guys I know, he's slowly morphing into an asshole, because for a guy being an asshole has an easier job description since everyone is expecting the worst. The flip side of that is everyone IS expecting the worst. I'm not advocating cheating or assholes, Lord knows my asshole allergies, but I can't stress enough how important it is to state your position repeatedly in relationships to avoid disease, confursion, and heart break hotel check-ins. It sure must be hard to be a good guy and not be a serial monogamist... What ya'll think?

6 comments:

  1. i agree, it's not always easy letting a girl know that you want to be nice to her, wanna wine and dine her and be romantic, basically, be nice..but you don't necessarily want the relationship to move to a deeper commitment level.so you just end up going with her flow, and then being dissatisfied and straying as a result. but i guess, in the long run, it's better to be an asshole cos you told the truth about your feelings (or lack of them!), than to be one cos you cheated.

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  2. Right, it's just such a delicate little dance. Maybe we're just at that stage where women refuse to date for fun anymore (even though I know that's not an accurate generalization) and nice men don't stand a chance at just enjoying themselves with a girl unless it involves a ring. Times is tuff!

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  4. Love... gosh... i really suck at this. I believe it only exists in two forms, for money and for yourself. Anything else is a state of mind.
    But I'm going to try give this one a shot-
    #1 is correct, cheating is unacceptable but telling a girl you ain't on the same page as her.. that takes unfathomable maturity.
    If you ask your friend what is wrong with the girl, he'll probably say 'nothing'. But the desire to find a brighter smile, a bigger ass, lighter complexion, longer hair etc, that's why most men will wander, and when they settle down it's because they can't find this non-existent girl they are looking for. People driven by Ambition and greed are doomed to never tread on contentment. Am not saying they're justified but I can relate a little bcoz I have close friends who are like that.
    What's the cure? Women are intuitive, you know when someone isn't right. Every girl has a guy who will worship the ground they walk on but they choose to chase the guy that just won't give a damn about them. So essentially, the girls are doing the exact same thing, aspiring for more and more.

    Guys get some sense! Women please listen! Bite off only what you can manage to chew

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  5. its not even that anyone is at any particular stage, it's that we no have an environment that encourages it or allows it. If you went on three good dates with a person and then told your people or your fam you were going out with someone else on another evening they would look at you and think either you were a player or a fool. As if the most horrible thing that could to a person is that they find someone who they enjoy but don't want to marry tonite. Insult to injury, you go on three good dates and now you are supposed to be exclusive and serious...now you've got the early stages of the example you provided, a person in deeper than they ever cared to be, having to honor rules that should not yet be in place, and thusly having to break them to remain happy in some sense. While at the same time playing the role of the unwilling jerk to their partner. I could go on at length about this in terms of how high profile people do seem to date, but it seems that poorer, or more street level people are the ones forced into these quick trap love scenarios. Get together quick for support perhaps?

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  6. I'm not sure what this is about. As a woman, it'd be hard for me to be in a good relationship and not 'see the future' it's like in our DNA. Maybe because we have a time limit to have children, and we want the best for our children. We go through a big chunk of our lives practicing natural selection in the name of reproduction... and just end up expecting too much from young men. Whereas men are never in a rush for anything because they don't have an expiration date? I miiiiiiiiiight be on to something

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