The Death of Eve. The Birth of Lilith

I'm so highly upset.

So upset, that this blog might be entirely biased. I only have ONE thing to say to each of The Common Offenders. But first, Let me give you a visual of what I'm trying to say. You have a deck of cards (a group of people). You're trying to play a game (You're trying to have fun). You have two "wild cards", commonly referred to as "The Jokers". These two cards can change the game (OR these two characters can change an evening)... so. I have written letters to them.

Before we carry on, I don't want anyone thinking that these things "just come up" for me. I have battled with these characters for forever it seems and they just won't die. While other people live their lives according to plan, and all social things come into frutition and more, no matter how many ways I try, I cannot escape these two. A 24 year and still going strong WAR. And... just to put proof in my pudding, In my letter, I quote a short letter a very good friend of mine had dedicated to Offender Number One earlier on this week (due to a social circumstance, as always) Because WAR takes no holidays, it's cares not about my appeasements. Only about my death (and they certainly are KILLING! me.)

DEAR JOKER NUMERO UNO:

"Dear insecure people,
""You guys are worse off than people with herpes...at least they can occasionally hide their affliction and chill out, where you are quick to be seen in a room with your sickness, in spite of yourself or better wisdom..."" It seems no matter how hard we (the universe) try to help you, you sink deeper into your world of madness.
No you're not like the rest of us. We're cool, trying to chill out and relax. I have included some definitions for you Insecure Person. So that you try and see yourself, I have realized that you insecure people don't know who you are. You just walk around spreading a mean funk and don't know it's you walking with the dog shit under your shoe...
INSECURITY is: Inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are and what responses are appropriate for social events in life.
INSECURE PEOPLE MAY HAVE: Been raised in a chaotic, unpredictable or volatile environment in which they were kept off balance, on guard or on edge.
INSECURE PEOPLE END UP: Being candidates for paranoia
INSECURE PEOPLE NEED TO: Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs.

Insecure person, I'm trying to help you here, by inviting you to my shindigs. It makes me hope you'll embarrass yourself and see Insecurity for the ugly, useless thing it is that's occasionally passed for "Love, Obsession, Passion..." But I'm done helping you. Let's just say that the next time I want to ball, and you're there... I'm going to clock out. Peel out. Roll out. Bounce, Bish. Houdini. Because I've seen the future. I've flashed forward. If I haven't been able to successfully socialize with you in 24 years, I never will. Not last night, not tonight, and not tomorrow night. So I surrender. Here's my white flag. You win. I'm done!


AS FOR YOU... CUPID! JOKER NUMERO DOS!

Dear Cupid,

Please Leave me Alone.
I've trusted you time and time again. I think it's time we part ways. Don't try to convince me otherwise, or try to make it up to me (not that I would expect "kindness" from you). You've ruined more lives than George Bush, or any natural disaster combined. You've made me look like a DUMBAXX on numerous occasions. Sending gifts to undeserving parties, spending hours looking for the perfect card to make him laugh, trying to get my handwriting on it juuuust right so I won't look like a total DUMBAXX. Even baking cakes! Written a few poems! What do I know about Haiku? All I know is I like you. Well, I mean I like him. LIKED him. I mean, I thought I loved him but Cupid, you had to shit on it too. Well Cupid. The feeling is mutual. And you know what? You REALLY suck at your job dude. What did you like, graduate at the BOTTOM of your class or suttin'? See when someone shoots someone, they usually get jail time. What do you get? Praise? You even get your own fucking Holiday! I try to be a nice girl. You know, try to be a lady. But apparently, the quickest way to someone's heart... is through the axxhole. Well, I mean, being an axxhole. When I have no missed calls, I'm picking up the phone just to check if my signal is working. And then when the phone rings my heart-rate jumps just to see if it's HIM, but it's not. Stupid chain texts! No I will not forward to 10 people! (Maybe that's why I didn't get my 4am blessing.) No No No the blame is TOTALLY on YOU. You're NEVER there for me! After all the chances I've given you, are you SERIOUS? You have the power to build me up. Higher than any drug, then in a second, take me lower than any whore has ever been. I want off this roller-coaster. Cut the puppet strings! From this day forward, I am your anti-thesis. and I shall spread all propaganda, shit on all your love projects and be any unions worst nightmare.

DEAR CUPID: FUCK YOU!!!

Sincerely.
A Pretty Girl.