Dear: The Person That Caused Me The Most Pain

Mr. Robert Wilson,

You take the cake. Hands Down.

It's because of you, sir - that I know I'm capable of forgiveness. But that degree of pain doesn't leave without war scars. Your tentacles left their marks everywhere, and I'm saddened by what I think of people now. You couldn't have been any worse, really. Especially considering the fact that I was a girl, and you were a man. Whatever demons reside in you that cause you to hurt people the way you do will undeniably eat your soul alive, sir.

And I know someone is going to say something like, "it all happens for a reason." << this is just some of the bullshit people tell each other to make each other feel better. Nothing has meaning, the only meaning to anything is the meaning you give it. That entire two years, sir - that you spent deciphering new ways of destroying my spirit - were a complete waste of time but a true testament of the strength I never knew I had, and my resilience. The year of healing that followed was interesting. No need to write a book. This blog/letter is quite enough.

I know what you're thinking, but I don't hate you. Although I will admit to once courting hatred. You were so high up in my j'ai deteste list, sir. Right up there with the men that sexually harassed me. I had to burn all the diary entries I had from our entire relationship, that's how pure my desire to erase you was. I literally removed all evidence that you had ever existed.

Alas, all I can say now is, I'm glad I'm more Christ-like than I care to admit. And even that is mostly due to my only recently faltering pride, it had nothing to do with "being Christian". I'm not a good "Christian" at all, I just try to be a good person. I'm glad I survived you. The first time I realized I had gone months without even thinking of you, I felt the way I felt when I survived Bilharzia and Typhoid and my near fatal relationship with Hernia... I suffered for your love. I mean, Really Suffered. Now as a side effect, very little bullshit gets past me, and I've never had less patience with silly people. I don't think I have a shred of precious naivete left.

Amen to the mystical healing powers that have now brought me to a space that allows me to wish you well. To even accommodate you in my over-concerned-with-other-peoples-happiness heart. To bless you and your future wife, and your friends, and your children. To be truly Fine with you, and to have totally forgiven you for your demonic blood thirst. God Bless you sir, and be well.

Ms. Nthinda