Thirsty Chronicles - Decapitation. Subject ONE.

Speaking of shit talkers, I met this boy at my girls party.
Biggest Shit-Talker of all time (dare I say the 21st century).

I'm not going to say he isn't attractive, but I knew it was doom for him from the jump because he looked too much like one of my ex's. I won't get into that though. All night, this boy was going on about how he uses women, how they pay his bills, how they stalk him at work... So I decided I'm gonna take it upon myself to out him... for the under cover sucker he is. I'm sorry, but... real recognize real... and he was looking real unfamiliar right then.

What I've learned from life is that shit talkers are too busy talking shit to get any REAL shit done. You prey on the weak and call yourself a predator huh? No hunny, you're a SCAVENGER. You eat meat that's BEEN dead. (Low self of steam for all those people who can't get past the metaphors) So let's see what you got. As a representative of the "TRY ME" female species... I HAD to do it. He was giving it away.

So. I matched his shit talking, ebonic for ebonic. But still gave more "attention" to his homie. Who is young and bright eyed. I have a thing for that 20 year old friend of his (who is just soooo adorable. I looooove adorable men and people who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Pre-shus!) The Shit-Talker ended up asking me to go outside to smoke. I said I don't smoke. He said come outside to WATCH him smoke (??). I said what the fuck do you take me for? (oh yea, this conversation was in front of everyone) He said we'll be in my car. I said I'd rather stay right here, thanks. Then later he came to hug me and asked to come home with me. I said no thanks, I'm good tonight.

Ladies and Gents... any proud man or woman would have stopped asking for alone time after I turned down 3 of his not-so subliminal messaging. But I digress.

The next time I saw him, my phone was cut off and I wasn't getting texts or calls. So I gave him my number while he demanded for it sitting next to me at another party. Knowing he wouldn't get through anyway. He apparently sent me texts telling me he's coming home with me blah blah blah. But because I never replied, and I left the party while he went to drop someone off - he called my ninja asking her the deal with me at like 8am the next morning. She hung up on him. I paid my bill two weeks later.

And Every Friday, like clockwork - he'd text me a red light special at the 11pm hour.

I would never respond.

The one night I was thirsty enough to try him out, we agreed he'd be at my house by midnight. By 12.45am, I decide to go to bed. I found out when I woke up the next day that at 4am, he was calling and texting me... incessantly... indeed - blowing up my motherfucking phone. The texts started from "I'm outside" and ended with a "You're wrong to not pick up my calls after I drove all this way. That's it. You're coming to me now." << I actually laughed a nice hearty laugh out loud, that he was mad at me, especially when he showed up 4 hours LATER than the hour discussed. Who in the hell does he think he is? As always, I didn't respond.

That day, in the preevening, I got a call from a local number I'd never seen before. I picked up. Guess who it was? He started with a shout,
"THOBE"
"Yes, motherfucker? Who is this?"
"It's _____!"
"Who's number is this _____? This is not your regular number."
"It's my work number. WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER YOUR DOOR WHEN I CAME OVER?"

I answered calmly and sternly (the only way to get through to a psycho, and or dangeroux animals) "Nicca. Did we or did we not say midnight? You come FOUR hours later and you actually think I'd be waiting... for You?

He apologized. He thought he was calling to shout at me and have me apologize?
Oh. So Young. So Damn Dumb.

That was about three months ago. He never stopped calling me or texting me, until about three weeks ago when on a Friday he sent me some of the saddest texts I've ever seen from a shit-talker .... "Can I see you? ... Please?" "Please?" << Yes. Comrades. Subject ONE had come down to his knees.

My mission was complete.

Anyone with pride will be proud to know he stopped contacting me AFTER he sent a text inviting me to his birthday party two weeks ago.

Ah. The sweet smell of ammunition.