The Essence of the Greatest Sex - FOR MEN

Disclaimer: This blog is dedicated to making all of us better lovers. Let it be known that everyone is different. Think about it like anything else in the world, Yes, they're all cars, but they're DIFFERENT KINDS of cars, and each one should be treated differently, to suit it's needs.

-First, How to even get to the place to get laid, for men. (I have yet to receive even ONE piece of advice for women... that is still to come! Come on guys!! Gimme ADVICE)

That being said, however, there are some general (obvious, yet often underrated) points to note. Firstly, flattery will get you anywhere. Let me quote myself: "If a man tells a woman she's beautiful, she's usually willing to overlook most of his shortcomings". All women want be told that they are beautiful. Why do you think they do stupid things and ask if you think they are fat? (You all know you have to pause for one sec and then answer "no" and remain calm even if they insist you're lying, right? If you answer too fast, you're definitely lying and if you take too long, you're also lying. And NEVER EVER say "Yes, darling" even if you think honesty is the best policy. Even if they accuse you of lying, NEVER EVER say: "Ok, you're right, you are fat." (RELATIONSHIPS THRIVE ON DECEIT. Remember that.)

Secondly, as you can see from my long-winded entries, girls tend to talk/write a lot. On average, women use way more words than men do in a day. So, while I can't force you to listen to every word, do brush up your acting skills, even if you can't really listen to everything she says. It's so important to pretend you're intellectually interesting. I can't stress it enough.

Thirdly (and this will be my last point), do keep to your word. If you say you'll call, please do. If you say you'll appear at 6pm, appear at 6pm. Don't promise something and then consistently fail to do it. I remember all inconsistent ex-lovers in thoughts lacking warmth. It's better not to say anything at all, than to say something you cannot follow through. We don't do funny business. Not interested in fakers. If you don't have time or don't feel like calling, don't say you will. It feels good to say things to people, because they look happy and you feel good... but disappointment arising from broken plans cancels out whatever good feelings you may have caused initially... and maybe even every single thing you did do right. PREACH! CHUUUCH!

okay now to the good stuff.

ORAL: "Oral is a must. Desperately seeking vagitarious!" Most women find it hard to enjoy a sexual experience to it's nth degree, without oral. It's important that most men know that 'good head' does not focus on the clit. Yes, we know, The Clitoris is THE most sensitive, but uh... distribute your attention please. Especially keep an eye out to how we're responding. If we gently push your head away, you're going too hard or too fast. Eaaasy, "It's a pussy. Not a hamburger."

THE BID'NESS: Make foreplay as long as possible. Mind sex qualifies as foreplay, like I said at the beginning of this post, you have to be mentally there. You could have all the right physical equipment but if you can't tickle a girls mind it will most definitely suck, and not in the way you want.

Spontaneity- sex in the toilet of a public building, sex on an infrequently used road, sex in the car, sex on a bed, sex on the floor/different rooms, sex in someone else's house, sex on someone else's bed, sex in the cinema, sex at a party, sex behind your house at midnight, sex in the parking lot... etc keep it fresh. Plus sneaking around generally excites women, it communicates PASSION, and that you find her irresistible. If a woman feels irresistible, she will eat you alive. Take Samantha from Sex and The City for instance...

Talking Dirty- I'll admit I don't talk much, but I love hearing it. Keeps the both of you engaged. Words excite the mind. Practice your "fuck-me" voice daily.

Stroke- Its not just in and out, it's anticipation. slow, teasing, shallow thrusts before deeper ones. Work the hips! AVOID jackhammer sex. "Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang. You're not a vibrator, you're better than one." Jackhammering can be the finish, but not prolonged during. It just dries us out, loosens and desensitizes. Also, if you're sweating profusely - you're working waaaay too hard.

Make eye contact

Get into it. Don't ask if this is okay or is that hurting? If it hurts we'll tell you. If she's not responding then maybe a full on "how do you like it" conversation is due. The bedroom is the only place where 'the honesty policy' is a recommended one. Spank, bite, touch, use the whole body... be an animal! Change positions! Avoid cramps and make a story that NEEDS to be told to SOMEBODY afterwards...