The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment: An aloof refusal to speak to someone you know. A form of social sanction that consists of ignoring a particular individual, neither speaking to them nor responding to their words.

Although humans are social beings, some level of rejection is an inevitable part of life. Nevertheless, rejection can become a problem when it is prolonged or consistent, when the relationship is important, or when the individual is highly sensitive to rejection. It can also lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection. So somebody Please tell me WHY my guy is into it? We've never had a fight, but play fights indicate his repeated use of The Silent Treatment. My Nemesis. It truly disgusts me. I never grew up in a household which respected this form of 'acting out', and maybe I shall use that as leverage to completely disregard the actual worth of the individuals that use it on me. Of course, I'm over-reacting. But this message has to be delivered. One way or another. I tell him Not talking to me is never a good idea. You're pressing Red Buttons, but he's too busy ignoring me and not talking to me to be listening to me. Seriously, it is the number one reason we might never go anywhere but here. It's crazy. It's stupid. It's an attention seeking tactic, in which the subject already has the attention. It makes me WANT to walk out. (which I almost did once. During a play-fight) Oh I'm sorry, how rude of me. A PLAY FIGHT: Is my way of coining a playful situation that took a sharp turn to the left. It's not a real fight, it's an escalated game.

Come to find out, I'm not crazy at all. I did some research and found out that the silent treatment is a form of ostracism. When someone is ostracized it affects the part of their brain called the anterior cingulate cortex. Do you know what the anterior cingulate cortex does? The anterior cingulate cortex is the part of the brain that detects pain. When you give someone the silent treatment you are causing that person physical pain. Simply by ignoring someone else’s existence you can inflict pain on them. This is why the ever popular “time out” with a child is so effective. The child feels ostracized, therefore is feeling pain even though no physical pain was inflicted on them, and therefore they want to behave so they don’t have to feel that way again.

The silent treatment can be a very destructive behavior when it involves personal relationships. Let’s say with a husband and wife for instance. The silent treatment breeds bitterness on both ends and it borders on emotional abuse… I’m not making that up. That’s what “they” say. (That's what "I" say lol)

Please don't mix this up with my ever-used "Cooling down". That's where one person is so angry or disgusted by the other person that they just cannot deal with the situation in that state, and require time to calm down before they begin to speak to this person. That’s fine and actually that’s probably better than sitting and screaming at each other. Why is it better? Because The Silent Treatment is a form of torture. It's does not RESOLVE any issues. Nobody is 'sorting' anything out. One person clued you in on their madness at you, and now they're refusing to acknowledge you. When someone is administering The Silent Treatment they are trying to show you that they are dominant over you. The Silent Treatment (when it becomes a mutual one) is a power struggle in pain tolerance... whomever the winner is, cares less. Didn't I say whoever 'cares less' in relationships runs things? I hope I'm not misleading anyone to think that these are signs of a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are full of people who WANT to be submissive, helpful, and loving. They tell you how to love them better, how Not to piss them off. It's a golden ticket to magnificent love palaces. They're like a fantastic popsicle on a hot ass day. No power struggles.