Me Vs. Tomatoes

Well. It's been an eventful two weeks, and among other things - I have upset people. Because I prioritize my own needs (of course). You see, when certain things happen, and I experience an epiphany (this one came at 1.40am Aug 29th according to my twitter account ) I behave in what others may translate as bizarre behavior. So I'm going to write this, and then I'm going to bury it and let it rest.
My personality is savage, but it's not my character. My character revolves around my well being and my happiness. MY happiness is imperative for ME to enjoy (In-Joy) MY life. When I do things for myself that end up hurting people, it usually has nothing to do with them - per say, but a lot to do with me. Once upon a time in my teenage years, a good friend of mine wanted to date me, and in fact - everyone thought we were dating. One day he seriously asked me to go steady, but the problem was, I had seen him buttering up another girl all week. So I said no. But the other girl said yes. And that girl proceeded to believe that I was jealous of her, because "she had my man" or whatever. When people accuse me of jealousy I always wonder to myself what it is they have exactly that they are so convinced that I want? My confidence isn't fake. There is seriously nothing other people have that I want. (Except for munny). Over the years I've realized that when people cannot understand your actions, they will pull the jealousy card. Until now the boy doesn't know that the reason why I didn't go steady with him in high school was because I hate sharing. I think of it like my food. If I'm eating food, and a fly lands on that food, I'm not interested anymore. I'm totally turned off. No matter how hungry I am, I'm throwing away my entire plate. When it comes to people the same rule applies. I have serious indifference to the outside world because I do everything I can to make people feel good, and when I feel that I'm being taken advantage of, me and my four eyes just don't See any benefit from trying any harder, persevering, or accommodating any more. I almost never defend my reasoning, my logic, my actions, and the way I want my life. Indeed, why bother talking about it at all? If I say that I hate tomatoes, and you bring me tomatoes, then should I repeat myself? or may I reserve the right to throw the tomatoes away?
This "throwing away of tomatoes" is what happens when I am in an unhealthy situation, and I have a moment of vivid clarity. Not only are my thoughts as clear as Smart Water, but my body begins to react - and I begin to feel as if I am ill. As if I have a physical ailment. My oesophagus gets taught (causing me to have trouble breathing). My lower back muscles clench. My heart feels like someone is squeezing, and releasing it. The adrenaline rushes through me and I can literally feel the blood pump through my aorta and vena cava. My tummy gets runny. I won't be able to sleep peacefully. And these symptoms do not let me rest until I make serious changes. Negative energy takes over me, and sits down for a cup of tea until I extract myself from whatever is happening. So Ladies and Gentlemen, everyone reading this who has ever been through/survived one of my "social cleanses" knows what I'm talking about. I take no prisoners, and I don't like feeling the way the above description feels. Some may have a stomach for it, but I don't. I know the things I do for myself hurt people sometimes, and I don't like inflicting pain on people - but I will do whatever I have to do to make sure I'm Happy.