Babies are the new Wedding Rings.
Let that marinate.
Urban Dictionary:
"1. keep a nigga baby
A situation when a female is disillusioned into thinking that having a man's baby will keep him from leaving her. She purposely gets pregnant by him in hopes that things will improve or work out but they seldom do."
Rings are coveted because it's rumored to be that ONE guarantee that PROMISES to GOD that this person will never leave you forever and ever and ever and ever, Amen. In case that never happens (because we all know how unlikely it is to happen, in America) you think of alternatives. i/e living together, and the Golden Ram... Babies. This isn't just about females, I know some dudes that are guilty of pushing the baby idea. The Baby pitch is used when one feels like it's not enough to have the person you love, you need some guarantees! You need some solid objects, some hard core evidence that this love is not only real, it's reincarnated! They need something that will literally be a daily reminder of why you should stay together. Having a baby with someone means, they'll try harder with you, for the baby. It means it'll be harder to leave you, because of the baby. It means, whenever the thought of abandoning you creeps in, so does the baby. Best of all, it means you are eternally connected... no matter what, you'll never be fully rid of each other. It's more than a ring, it's a blood pact... only two kinds of people find this appealing... people in love, and insecure people --> because they REALLY.... REEEAAAAALLLLLYYYYY don't want to be alone <--- (Question, if you don't like being with you, why should I?... #somethingtothinkabout)
It's hard not to be insecure (...I guess...) and if you let insecurity take over you, it's a vortex you can damn near never escape. I feel like, some people don't even realize why they want a baby so badly. If you need a baby to ensure that you're never left alone, then you either need another partner, or a therapist. #yourchoice.
All I'm saying is, birth children into love. Not into Leverage.
#thatisall.
Hopefully, I didn't pull any of your heart strings. I know how sensitive some people are, but I'm not throwing #shade, just making mere observations.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The Boyfriend Experience VS The Boyfriend
Well. I'm in a #hoeshit place in my life. Some of you who personally know me may definitely be wondering where I'll stop. Let's just say, I can't stop now. I was in a drought for most of this year (so far), and now that there's a Tropical Thunderstorm, my buckets are all over the gotdamn street collecting water and drinking like a mu'fucka and shit. Yes Bish. I said it.
APGB TRANSLATOR : DIPS ---> side pieces, squeezes, people you fuck.
I had a conversation with my ninjas coming from a bamboozle of a job interview about Dips... and how they work. What are the official Dip laws?
1. No frequent sex, just whenever you're horny or desperate... call that number
2. Nobody important. No distance requirements, including but not limited to neighbors
3. No talking texting or calling in regards to anything other than the D(ick)
I love Dips, but my Dips are very custom made. (So I love them even more) what do I mean by that? I like having "The Boyfriend Experience" with my Dips. I want the IDEA of a boyfriend, not an actual boyfriend. I want a Hard Dick and Bubblegum. The rest, you can leave at the door. Boyfriends annoy me right now, and they don't work for me as far as I can tell. So, well... my Dip's qualifications sound like a potential boyfriend.
DIPS FOR ME: In order to qualify being one of my Dips. You need to fill the following requirements...
1. I can't fuck someone I don't know. So, I need to know you. Not "know" you, know you. But know you enough to feel safe when I'm alone with you (I have issues with strangers... that's another blog for another day)
2. You need to be a genius (Yes. Wear your thinking caps) I want someone who I can talk to (but not seriously, just someone who can give me intelligent banter, because WORDS turn me on. Ask my ex's and Dips... they'll tell you.)
3. You need to have some kind of order in your life... Starting with a job, but it doesn't end there... You need to be ambitious. Because I will not associate my name to anything I'd be embarrassed to have my name associated to.
4. You need height. Taller than me when I'm in heels.
5. And you need a nice, healthy, clean, thick, long... 100% lean meat... schlong. Or Dick. For those who don't know schlong.
6. Oh, and... you need to be attractive. Obviously. At the very least, have some style.
7. Last but not least, you can't live anywhere close to me. Neighbors??? HELLS NO.
As you should be able to tell, I have high standards. You'd be surprised how few people qualify for this. You'd be surprised how many at one time qualify for this. What ends up happening is that my Dips aren't Dips... they become my "Boyfriend Experiences"....
1. We have frequent sex (more frequent than I've had in most RELATIONSHIPS... needless to say, this is some of the BEEF I have with BOYFRIENDS.) and it only gets better because we know each other and like each other as people. BUT We're never too comfortable around each other to behave like we're dating (not bathing, farting, playing video games, fighting blah blah blah).
2. We know the rules. Keep it light, sexy and fun.... 'nuff said
3. We're not pretentious.
4. My Dips are so romantic, it's irresistible. One of them speaks french, and cooks (need I say more?), another one is super intimate... bathes me and plays soft music and holds me until the morning, another one spends sexy sundays (and weeknights) with me + sends wonderful sexy #tigertexts... I mean... who can say no to these things?
All of them are intelligent. If I was to show up in public with any of these people, all would be well in the world. I expect nothing from my Dips, and in expecting nothing, I get everything I want. Unlike Boyfriends... who are the complete opposite. I definitely have no encouraging Love Models in plain sight, Boyfriends are notorious for being too HOMOtional for me, and the best part is... at the end of the day, I come home and relax and chill out. Everything is all good with my Dips, and my Dips are all good with me. My Dips Rule!!!!
APGB TRANSLATOR : DIPS ---> side pieces, squeezes, people you fuck.
I had a conversation with my ninjas coming from a bamboozle of a job interview about Dips... and how they work. What are the official Dip laws?
1. No frequent sex, just whenever you're horny or desperate... call that number
2. Nobody important. No distance requirements, including but not limited to neighbors
3. No talking texting or calling in regards to anything other than the D(ick)
I love Dips, but my Dips are very custom made. (So I love them even more) what do I mean by that? I like having "The Boyfriend Experience" with my Dips. I want the IDEA of a boyfriend, not an actual boyfriend. I want a Hard Dick and Bubblegum. The rest, you can leave at the door. Boyfriends annoy me right now, and they don't work for me as far as I can tell. So, well... my Dip's qualifications sound like a potential boyfriend.
DIPS FOR ME: In order to qualify being one of my Dips. You need to fill the following requirements...
1. I can't fuck someone I don't know. So, I need to know you. Not "know" you, know you. But know you enough to feel safe when I'm alone with you (I have issues with strangers... that's another blog for another day)
2. You need to be a genius (Yes. Wear your thinking caps) I want someone who I can talk to (but not seriously, just someone who can give me intelligent banter, because WORDS turn me on. Ask my ex's and Dips... they'll tell you.)
3. You need to have some kind of order in your life... Starting with a job, but it doesn't end there... You need to be ambitious. Because I will not associate my name to anything I'd be embarrassed to have my name associated to.
4. You need height. Taller than me when I'm in heels.
5. And you need a nice, healthy, clean, thick, long... 100% lean meat... schlong. Or Dick. For those who don't know schlong.
6. Oh, and... you need to be attractive. Obviously. At the very least, have some style.
7. Last but not least, you can't live anywhere close to me. Neighbors??? HELLS NO.
As you should be able to tell, I have high standards. You'd be surprised how few people qualify for this. You'd be surprised how many at one time qualify for this. What ends up happening is that my Dips aren't Dips... they become my "Boyfriend Experiences"....
1. We have frequent sex (more frequent than I've had in most RELATIONSHIPS... needless to say, this is some of the BEEF I have with BOYFRIENDS.) and it only gets better because we know each other and like each other as people. BUT We're never too comfortable around each other to behave like we're dating (not bathing, farting, playing video games, fighting blah blah blah).
2. We know the rules. Keep it light, sexy and fun.... 'nuff said
3. We're not pretentious.
4. My Dips are so romantic, it's irresistible. One of them speaks french, and cooks (need I say more?), another one is super intimate... bathes me and plays soft music and holds me until the morning, another one spends sexy sundays (and weeknights) with me + sends wonderful sexy #tigertexts... I mean... who can say no to these things?
All of them are intelligent. If I was to show up in public with any of these people, all would be well in the world. I expect nothing from my Dips, and in expecting nothing, I get everything I want. Unlike Boyfriends... who are the complete opposite. I definitely have no encouraging Love Models in plain sight, Boyfriends are notorious for being too HOMOtional for me, and the best part is... at the end of the day, I come home and relax and chill out. Everything is all good with my Dips, and my Dips are all good with me. My Dips Rule!!!!
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