He's Just Not That Into Me

This is how I fuck myself up. Why is it that I orchestrate everything to happen a certain way and then when it's finally happening... I fuck it up. How? OK... my crush is approaching. Heart is fluttering. Fluids are escaping from my body. I put on a game face so I don't seem too eager, then he asks me whats wrong. I don't want my dramatic game face to scare him off, I don't want him to think he annoys me... so I try to put on my happy face, which is waaaay too eager. I now seem schitzofrenic. Of which he has officially accused me of. Unbeknownst to him - I'm only like that around him, because I'm so damn busy trying to be the right temperature, trying to be cool. So busy being psychotic. *sigh*. Around everyone else, I'm a dream. A normal girl, who's funny and sweet. But I can't be myself around him because I'm not relaxed. I'm under too much pressure to just grab him by the shirt and kiss him savagely. Men I'm attracted to completely distract me, my thoughts are everywhere - I can barely construct a funny and intelligent sentence that can blow his socks off. I make dry jokes and stutter. THEN... I always check essentials when he has just walked away from me... breath, tits, lips gloss, hair, teeth, nose, body smell. When I'm waiting for him to come to my desk - I do nothing. When he has walked away, I fix myself. What kind of madness is this? If I never get him it's because I'm a complete psychotic Doofus. It's no suprize He's Just Not That Into Me. Well - it was nice to dream.