Me: Do you want to get married someday? not me and you, so don't be cute
Fiona: I didn't think so but seeing as you're so insecure about it... I don't know if I want to have a wedding or even sign the certificate, but I do want passionate, no compromise, intimate companionship
Me:"a counter-intuitive love"
Fiona: and you?
Me: I don't want to get "married". I think weddings are like going to the circus. Even though celebrating love is something I believe in. I'm in this phase where I break down life and love to the extreme basic. Like, at its purest and simplest form What Is It exactly? What were people doing before they had to sign a paper and have a "wedding"? Before there was even writing or talking? They were simply loving each other, and if they wanted to stay - they stayed. Whats this "vowing" business I often wonder..
Fiona: EXACTLY. Its like trapping each other instead of loving each other
Me: Its like signing a contract. How do you sign a contract for something you can't measure? You sign a contract for your phone bill. For your job. But for love? does that sound natural??
Fiona: Right?? So that means you don't want to get "married" huh. I wonder if we will all settle in the end. The young are so idealistic.
Me: I know!! It might be generational. I mean, our parents would have been considered "old maids" by now. Now opportunities are even harder, just having a degree doesn't guarantee a job anymore. Since EVERYONE has a degree. So things like having the stuff that makes a family is like... luxury. A house, a good reliable car... friends that don't do drugs... but most importantly, you really can't tell someone you'll love them forever. You might not. Why make such a heavy promise?
Fiona: Marriage isn't really about loving someone forever, it's about security. It's signing, saying- even when I fall out of love with you, I will still be there cause you own half of my stuff
Me: True. I guess I'm like the Calabrian Catholic then.
"If you ask a Protestant from the American Midwest to commit to a dinner date next week, that Protestant, believing that she is the captain of her own destiny, will say, “Thursday night works fine for me.” But if you ask a Catholic from Calabria to make the same commitment, he will only shrug, turn his eyes to God, and ask, “How can any of us know whether we will be free for dinner next Thursday night, given that everything is in God’s hands and none of us can know our fate?”"
Fiona: HAHAHAHA. This is why FB chat should have a like button.
Me: Don't you think it's interesting in the quote that the Protestant from the Midwest is a woman and the Calabrian Catholic is a man?
Showing posts with label Ninja. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ninja. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Religious-like Symbolism of My Cooking
Being an international has told me a few things. One of them; I love you is only "I LOVE YOU" when it's said in English.
If you're a nice and sociable person, falling in love with you is effortless. I personally bump into love at least twice a year. (That also means two breakups a year). Falling in love is not a big deal. How somebody treats you is.
But this isn't about that children, this is about how I personally communicate my love for you.
Food.
Feeding someone is such a spiritual practice for me, that I could make it religious.
For one, I cannot cook for someone I don't love.
Yes children it's true. If you have eaten the fruits of my culinary love labor, I love you. Not loved, not used to love... Love.
I care for you more than just enjoying your company. I care for your well being. So much so, that my body wants to nourish your body while it's in my presence. So I will go to the stove and make something delicious. And I will give it to you as a symbol of my love for you, and we shall eat from the same pot, and drink from the same juice bottle communion style.
This is a fact. I know you're thinking, damn that's deep. But I really sincerely honest to God can't cook for people I don't love. Something always happens. Too much salt, too much water, no flavor, something burns... nothing works I tell you. And even the people that know me will tell you how long it took them to taste my food. One time a guy had to go and buy special ingredients because he was dying to eat African Food, but I was never cooking when he came around.
Of course there are people who are fed by me who I don't love, indeed, people I barely know, but they just happened to come in the company of someone I do love. So they are fed on behalf of my love for that somebody else.
Why did I write this? Whats the point?
I want to express to people that loving is more than just telling people you love them. I personally take physical care of people I love. For instance, if you're my man or if you're someone I wish was my man, granted you're getting physically adored around me. I'm cooking for you, I'm massaging you, I'm bathing you, I'm fantasizing about washing your feet. I know. It sounds crazy, but it's true. I like making your body, where the amazing spirit that makes me feel amazing resides, feel better. I almost NEVER actually say it, I don't see the point. I literally act under the assumption that your spirit will recognize what my spirit is doing. I live under the order of Love;the Verb. Not Love;the Noun. If I'm loving you, I just show it. I prefer not to mouthly communicate things that needn't words. It means more to me for you to intuitively know that I love you. I'm weird like that.
It's not hard for me to love people, and it's not hard for people to love me
(at least I'd like to think so).
But if you were ever fed by me, then you can definitely consider it a privilege now. Not everybody is fed by me. Let me rephrase, not Anybody is fed by me.
BTW This is not only romantic love I'm talking about. I'm talking about friends, family, and lovers. If I fed you, I did it because I love you and I will forever care for you. It's much more wonderful to be my proton than my electron.
If you're a nice and sociable person, falling in love with you is effortless. I personally bump into love at least twice a year. (That also means two breakups a year). Falling in love is not a big deal. How somebody treats you is.
But this isn't about that children, this is about how I personally communicate my love for you.
Food.
Feeding someone is such a spiritual practice for me, that I could make it religious.
For one, I cannot cook for someone I don't love.
Yes children it's true. If you have eaten the fruits of my culinary love labor, I love you. Not loved, not used to love... Love.
I care for you more than just enjoying your company. I care for your well being. So much so, that my body wants to nourish your body while it's in my presence. So I will go to the stove and make something delicious. And I will give it to you as a symbol of my love for you, and we shall eat from the same pot, and drink from the same juice bottle communion style.
This is a fact. I know you're thinking, damn that's deep. But I really sincerely honest to God can't cook for people I don't love. Something always happens. Too much salt, too much water, no flavor, something burns... nothing works I tell you. And even the people that know me will tell you how long it took them to taste my food. One time a guy had to go and buy special ingredients because he was dying to eat African Food, but I was never cooking when he came around.
Of course there are people who are fed by me who I don't love, indeed, people I barely know, but they just happened to come in the company of someone I do love. So they are fed on behalf of my love for that somebody else.
Why did I write this? Whats the point?
I want to express to people that loving is more than just telling people you love them. I personally take physical care of people I love. For instance, if you're my man or if you're someone I wish was my man, granted you're getting physically adored around me. I'm cooking for you, I'm massaging you, I'm bathing you, I'm fantasizing about washing your feet. I know. It sounds crazy, but it's true. I like making your body, where the amazing spirit that makes me feel amazing resides, feel better. I almost NEVER actually say it, I don't see the point. I literally act under the assumption that your spirit will recognize what my spirit is doing. I live under the order of Love;the Verb. Not Love;the Noun. If I'm loving you, I just show it. I prefer not to mouthly communicate things that needn't words. It means more to me for you to intuitively know that I love you. I'm weird like that.
It's not hard for me to love people, and it's not hard for people to love me
(at least I'd like to think so).
But if you were ever fed by me, then you can definitely consider it a privilege now. Not everybody is fed by me. Let me rephrase, not Anybody is fed by me.
BTW This is not only romantic love I'm talking about. I'm talking about friends, family, and lovers. If I fed you, I did it because I love you and I will forever care for you. It's much more wonderful to be my proton than my electron.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Ode to the Homies
Everybody has noted that I'm not as happy and ecstatic as I should be now that I've graduated. The truth is, I'm kind of sad.
I've worked very hard, for a very long time. And now I feel like the woman who went through a 48 hour labor and now is suffering from port-partem depression.
Even my man is kinda wondering what the time is with me?
I have two ideas of the cause of this thing.
1. I'm still working on my website. And its taking longer than anticipated, so I'm frustrated.
2. I don't know. But I do know it has a lot to do with that seems-like-you're-never-going-away-visitor: Loneliness.
So I called my parents and my brother, who I swear are my besties. I talked to Omi and Fiona online, and messaging Mbawaka about the blues. My sister is here because it's her birthday, and my sisters from another mother in Nigeria are coming over, and we're just gonna laugh it out tonight.
It's the most significant time in my life since 2002, and instead of thinking about all the people who I love that can't physically celebrate it with me, I'm gonna be grateful:
1. My dad could afford me an education. There are millions of children and people all around the world who don't have that privilege
2. I have friends. Friends represent family, and I'm grateful Jozmin, Barry, Alindine, Laura, Mo, Ayo + Ola give enough of a shit to check up on me constantly and want to celebrate with me as soon as these muthafucken dollars in my bank account make love and multiply
3. That the internet and cellphones exist. Without them, I wouldn't have even been able to hear my lousy voice on the phone while my parents and David inquire why I sound so sad?
4. That I can and gotdammet I SHOULD be happy.
I really needed my friends this weekend and they all came through. Physically + Digitally. This is what it is when you're a foreigner and you're always homesick... Thank You people very very very much. I like people who sincerely care for me, because I sincerely care for people. There's no more room for sadness now.
I've worked very hard, for a very long time. And now I feel like the woman who went through a 48 hour labor and now is suffering from port-partem depression.
Even my man is kinda wondering what the time is with me?
I have two ideas of the cause of this thing.
1. I'm still working on my website. And its taking longer than anticipated, so I'm frustrated.
2. I don't know. But I do know it has a lot to do with that seems-like-you're-never-going-away-visitor: Loneliness.
So I called my parents and my brother, who I swear are my besties. I talked to Omi and Fiona online, and messaging Mbawaka about the blues. My sister is here because it's her birthday, and my sisters from another mother in Nigeria are coming over, and we're just gonna laugh it out tonight.
It's the most significant time in my life since 2002, and instead of thinking about all the people who I love that can't physically celebrate it with me, I'm gonna be grateful:
1. My dad could afford me an education. There are millions of children and people all around the world who don't have that privilege
2. I have friends. Friends represent family, and I'm grateful Jozmin, Barry, Alindine, Laura, Mo, Ayo + Ola give enough of a shit to check up on me constantly and want to celebrate with me as soon as these muthafucken dollars in my bank account make love and multiply
3. That the internet and cellphones exist. Without them, I wouldn't have even been able to hear my lousy voice on the phone while my parents and David inquire why I sound so sad?
4. That I can and gotdammet I SHOULD be happy.
I really needed my friends this weekend and they all came through. Physically + Digitally. This is what it is when you're a foreigner and you're always homesick... Thank You people very very very much. I like people who sincerely care for me, because I sincerely care for people. There's no more room for sadness now.
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