Are You Happy?

This is the main theory by which I live my life. I want things. I will work for those things. While working for them, I will try my best not to complain about the circumstances I am willing to accept to get these things.

I get tired of people who know they're unhappy but want to talk my ear off instead of take action. They'll complain for years and never change the situation, and blame their inaction on something feeble and vague like "love" or "loyalty"

Peace be to you people. This is the only life I'll ever live, and this is not a drill. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. Unless you're taking actions to changing a situation, don't complain to me. Don't lean on me, or use me as a veil for facing your own situation for what it is, if it is a pile of shit. Look at your life. Do you like it? If yes, rock on. If not, do something. But whatever you do, don't call me and bitch about it. Quite frankly, I'd rather stare at the ceiling and practice my deep breathing exercises.

x

Conversations in Passing: Less Baggage. More Sincerity

1. Do you. But if "doing you" is bothering me - please don't involve me. I'm nicer this year, but I'm also on that 247. I'm a quarter of a hundred years old now. I'm not carrying anyone's baggage but mine. Neither should you. I don't want ANY drama this year - and my life is soooooo not dramatic, but other people like bringing their shit into my zen-zone. True.

I mean, there are some things I need to face, like how un-clean my house is. But my lightly messy living spaces are a reflection of my lightly messy brain. I'm not organized. It's not a sin. It doesn't bother me until it bothers me. Hallelujiah. Amen.

But the only bullshit I happily deal with is mine. Yours, uh uh. #stayback #strangerdanger!

2. I'm now Pro-makeup. If you say sorry, please be sincere. Let your actions prove it. Meet each other halfway while en route. I say this because I had an insane amount of apologies last year. Like, again and again and again and again, people were apologizing. I'm not a grudge holder. I love it when I can admit to myself that what I did was fucked up, and I like it when other people can too. But it shouldn't take anything less than my good sense on a sober and uneventful day to say sorry. I pay tons of attention to the timing of these apologies. I like knowing the agenda behind peoples words. Are you really sorry? Or are you just embarrassed and feeling sheepish? That's what I couldn't tell from most of these apologies. One came after they felt under appreciated. Another one came after a peculiar string of revenge bitch! slaps. Another one came on a drunk as fuck moment 8 months After the fact. Another one is a repeat apologizer, and now I don't take anything they say seriously. Should it matter in what context I get an apology? Yes. I want you to be sincerely sorry. Picture this:

You + your neighbor are super cool. One day you and your neighbor get in a tiff. You stop talking. You feel bad. You sincerely want to be friends again. Do you:
1. Apologize
2. Stay Mad, or
2. Just not apologize.

Okay, you do nothing, or you stay mad. One day, your neighbor comes to you with a nice and warm apple pie. They say it's for the cookout you're having, even though they're not staying - They baked it for you, and then they leave.

THEN you say sorry.

Why now?

1. Is it because you feel silly that you just got an apple pie from someone who you've been consciously disregarding? Or is it because

2. You realize that while you were throwing shade and staying mad, this person was baking you a pie. Now what? You've been caught off guard. You were expecting a right, but you got a left? Check mate? Touche? Disarmed?

3. You sincerely felt bad, you just couldn't bring yourself to apologize. And now, you have this pie, and you feel even worse? Because now it's like you're apologizing because of the pie, when with or without the pie - you were sorry.

As you can see... this is what events and actions have in common to me. If you're sorry just say sorry. Don't wait for the day I bring pie to say sorry. It just doesn't sound real and honest. If it was a commercial - I wouldn't buy it.

Also, flowers never hurt nobody.

:)

The Energy Never Dies

It's my favorite time of the year (it's officially better than my birthday, who woulda thunk it?) Not because of xmas, although that's dope. It's more about how happy and hopeful and resolute people are... I love collective fever.

My new years resolutions (yes, I always do this and it works for me - dammet) are:

1. To be a nicer person.

It's not that I'm a meanie - I'm an amazing person. When I like you.
I just need to learn how to handle my negative emotions better. What I typically do is, when I'm pissed at someone - I cut myself off. I usually say a bunch of shit I don't mean, so I don't risk that chance by hanging around and talking about it. Of course, this needs to change. When I was writing one of the 30 day letters, I realized that I was imposing the worst kind of pain I ever experienced onto other people. Which is just, not Nice. I don't like causing pain if I don't have to. The only time I have allowed myself to inflict pain onto someone else is if I am under attack. Literally and figuratively.

Ultimately, I'm hoping to repair my karma. I need ALL the good fortune and blessings I can get. And I know some people are ingrates, which is fine Lord, if anyone doesn't want their blessings - feel free to give them to me!

2. To get my munny up.

I've been writing business plans (yes, only I can take 24 credits in a semester and promise myself to be drunk for 3 days right afterwards but instead end up writing business plans and looking for jobs like a man with his head on fire looks for water) and now that I have solid numbers... Things in the bank need to happen, and they needed to happen last week.

3. To wear my heart on my sleeve like Michael Scott.

Watch a full season (any) of the American version of The Office to know what I mean

I've realized that there is a lot of "Fronting" in the streets. People have an obsession with control - I am not the exception, but I want to take a different approach to my life and my love. I want to tell and show people exactly how I feel, nothing held back - even the babyish things. Honestly I think I'm a victim of misunderstanding, and I want people to know exactly who they were/are to me. I also want more "live" love. As in face on. I don't like texting or emailing about serious matters, if we're having a problem - either come to me in person or call me if you can't travel. I'll bake a cake, and we can talk about it over tea (I'm a tea-stan) or "cawfee" *in my new york accent*