Can You Survive the Slump?

I believe all relationships have a life cycle.
First, the initial reaction to each other, everyone is still showing their better angles. Can't wait to see each other, can't wait to touch each other, can't wait to fuck each other. Then you kiss, touch, fuck. Can't wait to do it again. Wait! You actually really like him, he really likes you! Wait! You remember minute details! He likes... Maroon 5? They're alright. If he likes them... they must be better than I thought. Let's give 'em another try. Next thing you know, you want him to know you. I mean, it's one thing to let someone in, it's another to let them get familiar. The highest of life, everytime they turn around... you kiss. You laugh at another inside joke. Its amazing, it's purrfect. It's walking on air.
Then comes the slump. The slump is the period in all relationships when guards and pretenses go down, it's when you get introduced to the 'real thing'. This is the defining point of most relationships... if you can make it through 'the slump'... you can make it. Point blank period. Thats when mood swings and stupid fights start to bear their heads. When people get tired of trying so hard to be what you want them to be... The Slump Begins. Many soldiers have fallen here.

Of course, after the slump - you pretty much KNOW who you're dealing with, and the relationship is whatever you make it... delicious - or, bland? (AHHHH the glory of acceptance)

He's Just Not That Into Me

This is how I fuck myself up. Why is it that I orchestrate everything to happen a certain way and then when it's finally happening... I fuck it up. How? OK... my crush is approaching. Heart is fluttering. Fluids are escaping from my body. I put on a game face so I don't seem too eager, then he asks me whats wrong. I don't want my dramatic game face to scare him off, I don't want him to think he annoys me... so I try to put on my happy face, which is waaaay too eager. I now seem schitzofrenic. Of which he has officially accused me of. Unbeknownst to him - I'm only like that around him, because I'm so damn busy trying to be the right temperature, trying to be cool. So busy being psychotic. *sigh*. Around everyone else, I'm a dream. A normal girl, who's funny and sweet. But I can't be myself around him because I'm not relaxed. I'm under too much pressure to just grab him by the shirt and kiss him savagely. Men I'm attracted to completely distract me, my thoughts are everywhere - I can barely construct a funny and intelligent sentence that can blow his socks off. I make dry jokes and stutter. THEN... I always check essentials when he has just walked away from me... breath, tits, lips gloss, hair, teeth, nose, body smell. When I'm waiting for him to come to my desk - I do nothing. When he has walked away, I fix myself. What kind of madness is this? If I never get him it's because I'm a complete psychotic Doofus. It's no suprize He's Just Not That Into Me. Well - it was nice to dream.

Timing is Everything

People are such sensitive little creatures. If I bumped into a Lion in the grasslands... I would 100% expect it to eat me 100% of times I see it. A person --- not so much. People are SO circumstantial that the dweeb you met this year could be Perfection next year. You just came at a bad time. Everything people stand for is tested everyday, so don't judge others on who they are today, but at the same time... don't be stupid. Stand for who you are and stay true to that. Believe me. Whatever you're looking for is looking for you.

Wolf in Sheeps Skin

A wolf in sheeps skin opened a brand new door on Saturday (you'll later see what this means in detail below - the funny thing is, he doesn't know I know he's a wolf. His teeth are bared under that fake ass wool) An Epiphany.. if you must. That the best way to really KNOW somebody - hear this - is to date them. To date them as the not-getting-married dating, the casual dating. You'll go through the motions, the honeymoon phase and whatever else, then embrace not being THE ONE by truly discovering who a person is. That's when someone will treat you exactly the way they WANT to treat you, and you'll see true colors.
Most girls want... (or should I say 'Go For') Assholes. Why? There's something about assholes. It's the way they carry themselves, the way they speak to you, the way they talk like they can fuck your brains out and splatter them all over the wall, the way they play the kiss-catch, hot-cold, game. They're unpredictable. Exciting. Rewarding. A Real Catch... also, assholes are talented at pretending to be an okay guy 'underneath it all'. Usually, assholes are graced with the, "he's nice once you get to know him" card. But these are the obvious assholes... the Wolves. I'm talking about the guys you were genuinely convinced were nice people, and turned out to be extra basic assholes. I dare to compare them to the characters I hear men go on about all the time, the women who pretend to be exactly what you want... and then later reveal they're ugly medusa heads. they need a name. mmm. thinking, thinking... bitches. There's the obvious ones... they're openly materialistic, shallow and so uncool. Then there's the ones who figure out how to fake being an okay-chic... only to later reveal herself.
The one who dates these wolves in sheeps skin are the ones who can probably argue that they know these people better than they know themselves. People might say your friends KNOW you know you, but friends only see aspects of you at given times. Think about it, refer back to the last not-serious relationship you had...

The Chase

I know I was supposed to finish 'Let's Play A Love Game' but I'm too PG13 (that's my code word for being R rated) to put what I specifically want in my ideal significant other online. So I decided to delete it.

THE CHASE.
I'm so INTO the chase, I like figuring out what goes where. When it comes to Hunting, silence speaks volumes. The less you talk the more they want, because mystery is a turn on. But only in the beginning. You can't keep pulling the mysterious string, (because eventually mystery looks like you're not interested, and your game will run out and you might find yourself missing a predator). I'm intrigued by an older man where I work. Why? Because He used to sit opposite me, and I remember him smiling at me unassumingly but never really saying anything. And he has hella fashion-sense. Fast forward two weeks and I'm going to work early (unheard of) to catch a glimpse of him because he now works on another floor. He says only a few words, but he maintains eye contact, remains a gentleman, and gives you 100% of his attention while he's with you. If that's the sample, Throw it in the bag. Coz I like it.
Now, let's say he acted like the blue eyed gay looking guy that has taken an interest in harassing me, he would be 1. running after me after work, 2. looking for me at lunch and all mini-breaks 3. Sound like he's selling something when he talks 4. Have no sense of fashion or MORE IMPORTANTLY... style. 5. DOES NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. These little bullet points are all the ways you can get reported for bitchassness on the clock. Had he acted like the older man, things might have been different (Although I doubt it, if it wasn't his dysfunctional personality, it might have been his face) but I wouldn't be writing this blog about the difference between seduction and repulsion. The Chase, and The Late. If you want someone to want you, seduce them. Find out what your best features are and sell it, and you do this by MONITORING them, not blowing up their phone, talking to them all the damn time, following them around... and shit. Not hot. If only the blue eyed monster could chill the fuck out. Excuse my french.

There's so much to learn from Quietly Confident people. They don't really put themselves forward, but they make their presence known, in their stillness. Somehow everyone knows they're there, from their Swagger Vibes. All the men I've ever been SERIOUSLY into are Quietly Confident. Don't let that work suit fool you, they handle their business.

I Used To Be Love Drunk (Love Hater)

Maybe I'm just going through post-breakup cynicism. In my eyes, all relationships are doomed. If it seems perfect, I conjure up all it's imperfections in my mind, and see very clearly why they shouldn't be together anyway. You know the power of manifestation right? If you believe it, it comes true. Sure enough, I see the chinks in most relationships, which only confirms why I might never be happy (because I see things too clearly, and do not have enough faith in humans) Basically, if a relationship feels good to me, that particular butterfly feelings' short lived life span comes to smack me across the face and say, "Don't be smiling too hard now!" Then in a whirlwind of events I end up exactly where I am now. But, the dark cloud has a silver lining! If you spot it, you ain't got it. (Meaning, when you see the problem, you aren't a part of it anymore) That tells me no matter what I say, I have a vain hope for my love life. I've always said that if I don't get married, I'll have a series of life partners, and that's nothing to be proud of. (If you are my mother)

I saw a photograph of President Barrack Obama taking his wife out to dinner for their anniversary, and I wondered where their relationship falls short. I was love drunk, but now I'm hung over. Pass me an asprin. Now.

The BIG Disconnect

So. A current conversation has given me new material to ponder about. The 'Honeymoon Phase'. We were talking about marriage and I was explaining that I fear 'my guy' isn't out there. Who is my guy? It's complicated. My Guy is the better version of my love interest... and more. I really like the beginning of a relationship, because that's the guy I want. Over time, as we all know, we find out the honeymoon phase was as it named itself to be... A PHASE. The real thing pops it's ugly head out for all to see. I try to be the same throughout the relationship so I attract someone who remains constant too. Someone dedicated to excellence.
Then my guy friend pops the fantasy. Why does a guy even bother with a honeymoon phase? Sex. I don't get it. I don't see the point of faking your personality for sex, but I can't judge. I've never had a penis and I have no clue what men go through relationship wise. Of course, that's why prostitution is a big business, because relationships are taxy. Men need to jump a million hoops to get a pussy pass. A car, a crib, a job, extra cash for entertainment... bla bla bla. Most men need to be on their best behaviour until they get laid. Most men know they need to be super boyfriend in the beginning to keep you. That goes for both sides too, a lot of women pretend to be someone better than they truly are in the beginning too. Lemme throw this out there; What if, nobody pretended? What if we were to be the best version of ourselves twenty four seven. What would happen then? Two people + 100% of themselves = A Quality Relationship? I should hope so!